Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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