it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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