I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize