Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
