No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the day after is always just damage control
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize