I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
