So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
