So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
cat food counts as protein by the way
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were destined to go to rehab together
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
