What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
