I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pants are for mortals
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
