He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?