True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth