I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day