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How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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