Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it