i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.