it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?