i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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