It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
