Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
