Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
