Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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