You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
