i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
