Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
