i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this hospital has no fireball
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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