the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
