I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i think i just lost a toe
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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