I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize