Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
