Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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