I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
two words: eviction party
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
