She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
