Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
