Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
