I'm gonna have a badass scar
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
