Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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