reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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