I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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