Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize