party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
