We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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