You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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