All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
