Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
