You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
