ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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