what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
