wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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