Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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