Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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