i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize