He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
