Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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