now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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