You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
