then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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