how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
