first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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