i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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