dude i'm inner monologue high
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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