question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
