So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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