I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize