So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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