his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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