I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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