tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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