I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
