Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
