shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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