This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
