I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
