Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
