if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
