we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm jealous of your bromance
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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