I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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