At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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