well you can't waste a boner
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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