Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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