Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
