I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
