i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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