Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
