You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
