did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
