Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
