I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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