omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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