so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
