Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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