I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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