I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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