Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
